Lesson About Having Children

Jane Austin famously said of the opposite gender that

“A single man of good fortune must be in want of a wife".

But swap it around I bet it would be

“A single woman of a good age must be in want of a child”.

At least that seems to be what many have been asking of me lately when they make the connection between my yet-to-be-productive reproductive system and my age (the-clock-is-ticking-at-28). Over the last few weeks good friends, new friends and strangers alike have all asked me :

           

“Why don’t you have kids yet?!”

Once I get over the embarrassment of being asked something so personal in public, I generally try to just laugh it off with some funny line that includes (what I thought was fairly well known information) like “there’s only so much my eggs can do on their own.”

But it’s a lie. Well…not the part about my eggs needing some swimmers in order to turn into a baby. That’s provably true. But it’s a lie because that’s not really how I want to answer that question… but what I want to say doesn’t usually fit into a casual conversation at the bar of the local RSL. So I thought I’d get back on the blogging bandwagon and have a go at my ideal answer here.

Firstly, I think the question itself is foolish. Apart from the obvious physical limitations, which should automatically answer the question before it needs to be asked, the ideas behind the question seem to include that one of the great purposes of my life is to physically bear children and that it should be a disappointment that I haven’t yet. I don’t know if this a question asked primarily because I am a woman, or if any of my “childless” male friends get asked this question regularly as well (I’d actually like to know, if you wanna share sometime!).

But either way, I think the question doesn’t see the hope and truth and life we have already been given in Christ if we believe (and I also think the question lacks a general use of tact and social thoughtfulness as well).

You see, God has a focus on the Spiritual family, much more than the biological, and doesn’t seem to grow his Kindgom by His people making babies. The biological family structure we have is a beautiful gift filled with blessings that can reflect the glory of God, but it is temporal and secondary to God’s eternal Spiritual family. The church. His redeemed. His children.

Even Jesus when told that his (biological) mother and brothers were outside looking for him replied “’Who are my mother and my brothers?’…Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Mark 4:33)

So you see, in Him, I am a brother, a sister… and a mother. In taking up my role in the great job given to us by Jesus to preach the good news to all of creation, I become a part of the greatest of childbirths: spiritual births. Children born of God into this amazing, fresh, new, beautiful, perfected-in-Christ life that I am still so blown away that I get to live. And then, I have been given the joy and responsibility to help raise and grow these new children in our family. Sounds a lot like motherhood to me: birthing, feeding, teaching, correcting, growing and mostly just lots of loving.

How blessed beyond measure I am. I have many children in South Africa, Kenya and around my home nation I loved with a mothers love for as long as I could stay for, and I have many fellow children in the church (some babies, some much older in years than I) that I also loved with a mothers love.

Often I feel like a totally out-of-my-depth, immature 16-year-old mother still in high school, with braces on her teeth, who failed her P’s test last week. But thanks be to God that I am still being mothered myself by many precious saints who are teaching me the tricks of the trade.

            “Why don’t you have kids yet?!”

Don’t be silly. I do. I have lots of kids. And friend/stranger-at-the-bar asking me this, as weird as this sounds, you can be my kid too! I would LOVE to teach you what I am learning of the Greatest Love and show you the ways of the Greatest Father. Oh gosh, I love my family.

(End note: Lots of these ideas have stemmed from reading the Gospels, also 1 Corinthians and the letters to Timothy, and a couple of great sermons but particularly one on Singleness by John Piper that I can probably share with you if your interested… or if you need to check my sources so you can call me up on anything weird I’ve said).

Lesson about Traffic Hazards.

There are some fairly significant differences between city driving and country driving. The roads are different, the speed is different, the hazards are more “flora and fauna” and less “traffic jams and road rage”. So if I have learnt anything from being part of the Masterchef generation, I know that after 3 weeks out here I am officially an expert on the topic. So here are my lessons on driving in the country:

First and foremost – Keep Your Eyes Open. And I don’t mean just staying awake. Considering we are talking about driving, I’m going to assume consciousness as a given. No, I mean Look and Scan. All. The. Time. These hazards come at you from the front, side, behind you, underneath you, so stay alert.

Hazard One – Dirt Roads. I suspect it’s like driving on bitumen with bare tyres cause things get a little slippery pretty quickly. So to avoid the heart palpitations that ensue when the car starts turning in a way you didn’t tell it to go, break early and slowly.

Hazard Two – Kangaroos. The novelty wore off pretty quickly cause I see HUNDREDS of these guys everyday. I probably should have put these as Hazard Number One as you’ll see a dead one every 200m. They will come at you from any direction, they love sunrise and sunset the most, and they just love getting in your way.

Hazard Three – Emus. I’m told they are the stupidest of the lot, but I’m yet to see it. Apparently they are known to start running away from you, change their minds, then run straight into the side of your car instead. At least they are easy to spot.

Hazard Four – Bush Turkeys. Don’t be fooled though, they look nothing like a turkey. More like a prouder, miniature emu. Or a librarian. In any case, I’ve been told they are partial to fly directly into your windscreen and smash it.

Hazard Five – Sheep. Sheep really hate being left out or left behind, so will always want to find their friends when you come along and it doesn’t really matter to them if it means crossing right in front of you. But their big fluffy bums are super cute when they run, so enjoy that.

Hazard Six – Cows. These guys are probably my favourite hazard as they’re super easy to spot and usually polite enough to let you pass. Plus, when they start to run they look a bit like a gangly 13 year old boy after a sudden growth spurt who now has these long limbs they aren’t sure what to do with. Enjoy that too.

I’m super thankful for the advice of my cousin and my employers who suggested getting a ‘roo bar, a two way radio and always carrying water, food and fuel (and don’t get me started about how thankful I am to Papa Pidge for getting it all together). With long stretches of dirt road and often 100km between phone reception that are quickly becoming part of my weekly routines, and I know one day they will be my lifeline. Plus if I get hungry, I’ll be able to cook up that dead ‘roo I probably hit.  

Background Lessons

Some very thoughtful people back home recommended I write a blog on this new adventure of mine. I resisted at first, mostly because I'm not a great writer, but also because I wanted a clean slate. I wanted to take advantage of this fresh start - not maintain too many links that tie me to the past and stop me from moving forward. 
But the past is actually very important. There is so much to learn from what has come before, from what has shaped us so far and what has shaped the people who shape us. 
Those who know me well also know I have a TERRIBLE memory. So... I've decided to heed the advice of these friends and start recording down all these lessons I'm learning.

A little background before I begin:
I was born and bread in Sydney, went to uni and worked for two years before moving to South Africa to volunteer with orphaned little ones for about 14 months over a 3 year period. I fell head over heels in love with King Jesus while I was there, and also fell in love with Africa and it's children. A small seed of desire to move there, work and adopt children was planted and it just keeps growing...even if I don't water it.
But... I've found myself back in Sydney since April 2011, working in the Arts again, and habits dictated that I quietly slipped back into my life before Africa and I was putting down roots without any real desire too. 
So when the opportunity to move to outback Queensland to be a governess on a small family-run cattle station presented itself, the idea enticed me. I wanted to get out of Sydney, get away from my old habits, save some money. I wanted to live a quieter life and do something productive while I work to move back to my heart-land. God opened many doors very easily to enable the move and with the road straight before me I jumped in my car and headed north.
I now work with two precious little girls with beautiful hearts. They have had a rough trot so far, and without saying too much, their circumstance speaks to my heart that wants to serve the mother-and-father-less. I praise God for the resilience and desire for fun he has built into children.
I have no idea what is ahead of me - whether I will just be here for a few months or another year - but I want to love God, love people, work hard, speak truth and grow in faith in the mean time. And in the end, my home is with Jesus. So no matter where I am, I am found in Him.