Lesson About Having Children

Jane Austin famously said of the opposite gender that

“A single man of good fortune must be in want of a wife".

But swap it around I bet it would be

“A single woman of a good age must be in want of a child”.

At least that seems to be what many have been asking of me lately when they make the connection between my yet-to-be-productive reproductive system and my age (the-clock-is-ticking-at-28). Over the last few weeks good friends, new friends and strangers alike have all asked me :

           

“Why don’t you have kids yet?!”

Once I get over the embarrassment of being asked something so personal in public, I generally try to just laugh it off with some funny line that includes (what I thought was fairly well known information) like “there’s only so much my eggs can do on their own.”

But it’s a lie. Well…not the part about my eggs needing some swimmers in order to turn into a baby. That’s provably true. But it’s a lie because that’s not really how I want to answer that question… but what I want to say doesn’t usually fit into a casual conversation at the bar of the local RSL. So I thought I’d get back on the blogging bandwagon and have a go at my ideal answer here.

Firstly, I think the question itself is foolish. Apart from the obvious physical limitations, which should automatically answer the question before it needs to be asked, the ideas behind the question seem to include that one of the great purposes of my life is to physically bear children and that it should be a disappointment that I haven’t yet. I don’t know if this a question asked primarily because I am a woman, or if any of my “childless” male friends get asked this question regularly as well (I’d actually like to know, if you wanna share sometime!).

But either way, I think the question doesn’t see the hope and truth and life we have already been given in Christ if we believe (and I also think the question lacks a general use of tact and social thoughtfulness as well).

You see, God has a focus on the Spiritual family, much more than the biological, and doesn’t seem to grow his Kindgom by His people making babies. The biological family structure we have is a beautiful gift filled with blessings that can reflect the glory of God, but it is temporal and secondary to God’s eternal Spiritual family. The church. His redeemed. His children.

Even Jesus when told that his (biological) mother and brothers were outside looking for him replied “’Who are my mother and my brothers?’…Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Mark 4:33)

So you see, in Him, I am a brother, a sister… and a mother. In taking up my role in the great job given to us by Jesus to preach the good news to all of creation, I become a part of the greatest of childbirths: spiritual births. Children born of God into this amazing, fresh, new, beautiful, perfected-in-Christ life that I am still so blown away that I get to live. And then, I have been given the joy and responsibility to help raise and grow these new children in our family. Sounds a lot like motherhood to me: birthing, feeding, teaching, correcting, growing and mostly just lots of loving.

How blessed beyond measure I am. I have many children in South Africa, Kenya and around my home nation I loved with a mothers love for as long as I could stay for, and I have many fellow children in the church (some babies, some much older in years than I) that I also loved with a mothers love.

Often I feel like a totally out-of-my-depth, immature 16-year-old mother still in high school, with braces on her teeth, who failed her P’s test last week. But thanks be to God that I am still being mothered myself by many precious saints who are teaching me the tricks of the trade.

            “Why don’t you have kids yet?!”

Don’t be silly. I do. I have lots of kids. And friend/stranger-at-the-bar asking me this, as weird as this sounds, you can be my kid too! I would LOVE to teach you what I am learning of the Greatest Love and show you the ways of the Greatest Father. Oh gosh, I love my family.

(End note: Lots of these ideas have stemmed from reading the Gospels, also 1 Corinthians and the letters to Timothy, and a couple of great sermons but particularly one on Singleness by John Piper that I can probably share with you if your interested… or if you need to check my sources so you can call me up on anything weird I’ve said).

Lesson about Obedience

Being a live-in nanny is a weird job. I’m not technically going to be the Govi (governess) until next year when the kids start distant education, so right now I’m that awkward “not your teacher/not your mother/but still a person you need to listen to” person. And anyone who has kids or works with kids or is around kids or was a kid once will know that kids aren’t always the best listeners.

Sometimes they are so grown up you forget they are kids, sometimes they are so immature you wonder how it’s even possible, but most of the time you need to repeat yourself at least three times before anything gets done.

So obedience has been on my mind a lot. And with obedience comes fun topics like discipline and development and safety. But love and joy also seem to be popping up as being pretty closely linked to obedience somehow.

When the kids listen and act upon what I’ve asked of them, there’s much less need for thoughts about discipline and safety. In fact, it feels like love is so much better expressed and joy more richly felt by all of us in those moments when they obey.

It’s frustrating as all get up to be asking the simplest of things and getting no response. Or getting the opposite of what you ask. Sheesh, I know your only six years old, but baaahh! I’m conscious to try and be as wise as I can be (haha! Its possible!) in what I ask them to do – not ask more than is possible for their age and abilities, usually just what is needed for their safety, the running of the day, or what I think will stretch them to learn something new they are ready for. But more often than not their first response is “NO!” and their suborn little wills turn it into a battle. Because at 5 and 6 years old, they know what’s best.

But, lesson, it’s not just them. It’s me too. I am that child. I am that child who knows my Father, I know the words and instructions He gives me are good and for my benefit, and yet so often I give no response. Or do the opposite. And create a battle for myself. And that battle is usually “what is good” vs “me-not-being-willing-to-admit-I’m-wrong-so-I’ll-keep-fighting-my-point-anyway”.

Sure…You designed me, You created this world, You’ve been around since the beginning, but my 27years count for more. I know what’s good for me. Case in point: Hanson. From the first time I heard MMMBop, I knew what goodness was, and it’s still just as good now.

Jesus tells me “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” Jesus I do love you! But this just sounds… I dunno…. Controlling? Superior? I mean… I’m not a kid. You’re speaking to an adult here, durrr.

But maybe love and joy are linked to obeying God as well. And so maybe the word “obedience” isn’t as ugly as we often hear it to be as adults. It seems to be an expression of love. Of loving who though? Is Jesus really controlling and superior? And how is it even possible to obey it all?… I don’t remember most of it!

Jesus says in the gospel written by John “If anyone loves me, they will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them… I have spoken this while still with you. But the Counsellor (the Holy Spirit) will teach you ALL things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives (thank goodness!). Do not let your hearts be trouble and do not be afraid…I will not speak with you much longer, but the world must learn that I love the Father and I do exactly what the Father has commanded me”.

I am designed in His image. One of my highest purposes is to be made more like Jesus. And Jesus does exactly as the Father commands because He loves His Father. He knows what his Father asks is for the good of the whole world – even if it isn’t always pleasant (as I’m assuming being crucified isn’t a party). But yet Jesus goes… Because He knows His Father and loves Him.

I suspect I will always be closer to a 5 year old than an adult in the way I respond to what is asked of me… I don’t want to say no and create battles, but knowing my history I’m sure I will again at some point. But gosh, I’m so glad that it is God who is my Father asking these things of me. He really is perfection. And His Son came to SAVE the world, not condemn it… I’m so stoked He’s on my side.

Lesson about Joy

I got to visit my cousin/best friend/favourite person this past weekend who lives a cheeky 7 hours down the road on a cattle station as well. It was JOYOUS.

I've been at the station for about two weeks now and it's been harder than I thought to settle in. I knew I was romanticising it all when I talked about in Sydney, but even still it has been a real battle of my own emotions. 
It's been a lot of: "What am I doing? I wanted to move to Africa, not to Queensland, why am I here again? Is this the right choice for me? Am I happier here? Do I still have friends? Can I cope with the isolation? And the heat? And the change of conversation, pace of life, food, coffee, phone reception and limited internet?" 
Basically, I've felt confused, isolated, quiet and a little lacking in joy.

Seeing my favourite was such a blessing. She is thoughtful and loves the Lord Jesus. She saw my problem right away: me. Everything I was saying was all about me. Joy that is found in your work/location/relationships can be beautiful indeed but like how the flowers bloom for a time but then whither and fade, so will all these things, and so will your joy.
My joy is found in my God and his Son who doesn't whither and fade but is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is good, all the time. His gospel is good news of GREAT JOY. Joy of a Saviour who rescues and redeems this broken world, who says I am now right before my God, who gifts me with purpose, who gives me real freedom and life to the full. And I can't believe how blessed I am to be so fully included in His Joy.

I know it won't be smooth sailing, and I will still feel isolated and confused, but I have been learning that each day that comes to be is filled with purpose for Gods beautiful Kingdom where God dwells with his people, and He is my deepest joy. 

Background Lessons

Some very thoughtful people back home recommended I write a blog on this new adventure of mine. I resisted at first, mostly because I'm not a great writer, but also because I wanted a clean slate. I wanted to take advantage of this fresh start - not maintain too many links that tie me to the past and stop me from moving forward. 
But the past is actually very important. There is so much to learn from what has come before, from what has shaped us so far and what has shaped the people who shape us. 
Those who know me well also know I have a TERRIBLE memory. So... I've decided to heed the advice of these friends and start recording down all these lessons I'm learning.

A little background before I begin:
I was born and bread in Sydney, went to uni and worked for two years before moving to South Africa to volunteer with orphaned little ones for about 14 months over a 3 year period. I fell head over heels in love with King Jesus while I was there, and also fell in love with Africa and it's children. A small seed of desire to move there, work and adopt children was planted and it just keeps growing...even if I don't water it.
But... I've found myself back in Sydney since April 2011, working in the Arts again, and habits dictated that I quietly slipped back into my life before Africa and I was putting down roots without any real desire too. 
So when the opportunity to move to outback Queensland to be a governess on a small family-run cattle station presented itself, the idea enticed me. I wanted to get out of Sydney, get away from my old habits, save some money. I wanted to live a quieter life and do something productive while I work to move back to my heart-land. God opened many doors very easily to enable the move and with the road straight before me I jumped in my car and headed north.
I now work with two precious little girls with beautiful hearts. They have had a rough trot so far, and without saying too much, their circumstance speaks to my heart that wants to serve the mother-and-father-less. I praise God for the resilience and desire for fun he has built into children.
I have no idea what is ahead of me - whether I will just be here for a few months or another year - but I want to love God, love people, work hard, speak truth and grow in faith in the mean time. And in the end, my home is with Jesus. So no matter where I am, I am found in Him.