Lesson in Being an Isolated Extrovert

It's strange to think back on why we made some of the big decisions of our lives. This move is pretty high up on the list of life altering decisions....but did I really think it was a good idea for me - a very affectionate extrovert - to move to a remote, isolated cattle station to live solely with a family of quiet introverts? ...Didn't I consider how lonely it was going to be? HUH?!

In all fairness, most of the time it's actually been a really good experience. I like the job and the family are really great to work for, and there is quiet and peace here like I have never experienced before. 

But sometimes, you just want to hug a friend. And say a lot of words.

So what then?

I am blessed to have the resources to go the 180km into town each weekend and hang out with the Baptists on a Sunday morning. They have been amazing. More than I can describe. And some real friendships are just starting to bloom out of the beautiful welcome and fellowship I've experienced in these last 9 months, even if I am such a nutcase who has no idea how to act appropriately in the city, let alone in the country. But even so, none of this can replace just a simple evening with your mum on the couch doing the crossword, or looking into the eyes of an old and beloved friend. Thinking about this sometimes makes me feel frustrated or angry that I can't have it (maybe I spend too much time with children?) and sometimes it makes me sad and I cry with the longing pains in my heart to feel totally comfortable and safe in friendships again. 

But... those reactions really only happen sometimes. Most of the time as I remember my Saviour, my Brother, my Friend, I am blown away by how tangibly real His companionship is and I am so thankful. Jesus has truly been my rock, my comforter, my all in all. He has calmed my anxious heart with his loving presence more times than I can say. Gosh, He is a good friend. I wouldn't have the patience for me that He does. So, this is what I have been learning of Him out here in the alone-ness of my current state of life. And I haven't been lonely. 

I could really use a few more hugs in my life and wouldn't say no to have a few more close friends around me regularly to share my life with, but I don't say any of this with despair. Just hope for the future and faith in the One who knows me and loves me as I look forward to that great day when I can finally give Him a hug. Bring it on.

Lesson About Having Children

Jane Austin famously said of the opposite gender that

“A single man of good fortune must be in want of a wife".

But swap it around I bet it would be

“A single woman of a good age must be in want of a child”.

At least that seems to be what many have been asking of me lately when they make the connection between my yet-to-be-productive reproductive system and my age (the-clock-is-ticking-at-28). Over the last few weeks good friends, new friends and strangers alike have all asked me :

           

“Why don’t you have kids yet?!”

Once I get over the embarrassment of being asked something so personal in public, I generally try to just laugh it off with some funny line that includes (what I thought was fairly well known information) like “there’s only so much my eggs can do on their own.”

But it’s a lie. Well…not the part about my eggs needing some swimmers in order to turn into a baby. That’s provably true. But it’s a lie because that’s not really how I want to answer that question… but what I want to say doesn’t usually fit into a casual conversation at the bar of the local RSL. So I thought I’d get back on the blogging bandwagon and have a go at my ideal answer here.

Firstly, I think the question itself is foolish. Apart from the obvious physical limitations, which should automatically answer the question before it needs to be asked, the ideas behind the question seem to include that one of the great purposes of my life is to physically bear children and that it should be a disappointment that I haven’t yet. I don’t know if this a question asked primarily because I am a woman, or if any of my “childless” male friends get asked this question regularly as well (I’d actually like to know, if you wanna share sometime!).

But either way, I think the question doesn’t see the hope and truth and life we have already been given in Christ if we believe (and I also think the question lacks a general use of tact and social thoughtfulness as well).

You see, God has a focus on the Spiritual family, much more than the biological, and doesn’t seem to grow his Kindgom by His people making babies. The biological family structure we have is a beautiful gift filled with blessings that can reflect the glory of God, but it is temporal and secondary to God’s eternal Spiritual family. The church. His redeemed. His children.

Even Jesus when told that his (biological) mother and brothers were outside looking for him replied “’Who are my mother and my brothers?’…Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Mark 4:33)

So you see, in Him, I am a brother, a sister… and a mother. In taking up my role in the great job given to us by Jesus to preach the good news to all of creation, I become a part of the greatest of childbirths: spiritual births. Children born of God into this amazing, fresh, new, beautiful, perfected-in-Christ life that I am still so blown away that I get to live. And then, I have been given the joy and responsibility to help raise and grow these new children in our family. Sounds a lot like motherhood to me: birthing, feeding, teaching, correcting, growing and mostly just lots of loving.

How blessed beyond measure I am. I have many children in South Africa, Kenya and around my home nation I loved with a mothers love for as long as I could stay for, and I have many fellow children in the church (some babies, some much older in years than I) that I also loved with a mothers love.

Often I feel like a totally out-of-my-depth, immature 16-year-old mother still in high school, with braces on her teeth, who failed her P’s test last week. But thanks be to God that I am still being mothered myself by many precious saints who are teaching me the tricks of the trade.

            “Why don’t you have kids yet?!”

Don’t be silly. I do. I have lots of kids. And friend/stranger-at-the-bar asking me this, as weird as this sounds, you can be my kid too! I would LOVE to teach you what I am learning of the Greatest Love and show you the ways of the Greatest Father. Oh gosh, I love my family.

(End note: Lots of these ideas have stemmed from reading the Gospels, also 1 Corinthians and the letters to Timothy, and a couple of great sermons but particularly one on Singleness by John Piper that I can probably share with you if your interested… or if you need to check my sources so you can call me up on anything weird I’ve said).